Archive | June 2012

New control, adventure and happiness!

It’s been a while since I have posted anything… and my apologies goes out to you all.  I have questionable excuses at best… I’d like to tell you it’s due to my non-stop busy-ness and my go go go life… and at times… it does feel that way, but, honestly, I have found time to blog in my personal matters in my personal blog… I have just, it seems, stared down this blog, I have attempted several blogs, get iratated and eventually delete it or walk away from said unfinished potential master piece (seriously kidding on the master piece portion)… so today… I am going to let you in on what’s happening professionally these days… which, I think is a huge turning point for me… both professionally and personally I suppose as well.

A few months back around mid-April a couple clients at the threading KIOSK job in the mall mentioned to me that I should look into a company called “Plum District” – they are much like Groupon and Living Social, however, they are just for mom’s with small businesses, they promote your business on their blog as well as offer coupon/advertisement on their official business web site.  This was something I kept tossing around in my thick stubborn skull for the past few months… looking into it finally and finally reaching out and making contact only to find it was taking a very long time for anyone to reach me.  So I waited… patiently… and that’s a big obstacle for me at moments… so I give myself kudos for that part at least.

So after waiting a couple weeks with no response I resubmitted another request and in about a week I was finally emailed something from a regional manager and then we eventually were in contact.  Things that started out slow started ramping up… so to speak.

I spoke with the lady, Rhonda, she was very kind and extremely helpful.  She and I through out ideas and then I was advised to create my price list and then she would create some mock ups and then send me them for final approval.  Eventually they will be online via Plum District and when they are I will be certain to advise you all on it…

I have essentially signed the contract, now I am just waiting for the mock-ups and to get the “ball rolling” — I am hopeful it will hit the web by early this week… VERY excited and very nervous… this could be huge things for my little business… or could tell me I need to walk away and try something else… I hope it’s the first!!! I REALLY believe in this and I believe in myself and I know my abilities and what I can do!!!

Things have been crazy and insane at job #2 and this is one of the many reasons why I have chosen to finally step off the ledge and take the plunge… I know I have feared things way too long in both my personal and business life… and I am truly pushing myself and trying to make myself see what someone once attempted to show me… he was my light and my guidance for a very good portion of my new “life” – I may have destroyed that with this man… but… I am here to tell him and you that I am learning from my mistakes… TRULY learning… not just saying so and not following through… which we all do way too much… talk is hugely cheap… it’s time to step up and take the bull by the proverbial horns and pull him the the ground for once and for all… because THIS IS MY LIFE… MY BUSINESS AND I AM going to do something that will make ME proud of ME!

It doesn’t go without saying that if it wasn’t for this incredibly man/person that helped give me the mental and physical push I desperately needed I personally know I would still be caged, in extreme fear and waiting for someone to screw me up once more.  I need to thank this person… he made my life better… and I think he knows it… but… I will forever be grateful and I will never go a day without mentally thanking him.  AND wishing, hoping and believing that one day we will have something more again… but, that’s a different story… no today, right now… I am here to say thank you to him.  You know who you are and many also know of this amazing person.  He is something that I will never be able to let go of… to know this man is to love him in some capacity.  He swept in like the most amazing wind… that not only filled my life with hope, passion and love… but also showed me who I really can be… who I was, and that my stubborn streak was in denial in allowing that true ME out to play.

He also made it possible for me to have a business in the first place.  He gave me the backing, both monetarily, but also mentally…. always and forever pushing me to see what I had right here in front of me… and reminding me I cannot fix things that have already happened… and that I need not worry about what will happen in the future… to only think about the now… the present.  Be conscience of what was happening right now.  I am sorry to admit I didn’t always see eye to eye with him on this… I played like I did… but… deep down… I needed to figure it out I suppose on my own stubborn self.  2 months ago I had to start facing it on my own… so to speak.  Realizing no one but yourself can do it for you… I faced myself in that proverbial mirror….  and I didn’t like what I was seeing.  I forced myself to see the fears and bullshit I was clinging to so hard for so long that was truly destroying my here and now… and what may have destroyed what might have been my ONE true love… that’s what really made me fight back and show the world… me included and yes… even him that I am not a quitter and I am not too stubborn and full of myself to see I am a work in progress… I need a lot of learning… and I have made myself conquer fears and face them full on and do with with a smile on my face… I am here today to tell you I am proud of what I have accomplished in the past 2 months… will that bring him back to me? that’s not why I am telling you all this… granted in the beginning I was doing it for him… obviously for me as well… but… somewhere along the way I felt the light bulb click on and I suddenly “got it” — I still want to show him… I would still love for him to share my world with me… but… I know in the end he showed me things that I will forever hold deeply as a special and most important life lesson.

We cannot always control everything… but, we can attempt to make ourselves better in the environment we live, and breath in.  This goes with our personal life and professional life.

Regardless if we want to separate our professional and personal lives… they intertwine… it’s natural… and I almost think a bit human.  But, what we can do is control the here and now and how we react to that said environment.  I have learned to smile at adversity and believe and listen to that deep down voice that has always been there attempting to show and guide me on the right path… you know the one… that most of you neglect and refuse to listen to… I was one of the stubborn ones that refused to hear it for many many many years… well I listen to my inner diva now… I have embraced her and therefore embraced ME and I LOVE me and I am proud of me… that goes for my business and personal life…

Granted I do regret a few things… it’s not good to regret… this I know… but… I also know I am human and I am trying.  I am truly 100% trying… this isn’t something I could honestly admit to a few months back.  and I can say I am a bit angry and pissed off at that ME for being so obtuse and stubborn for so freaking long! I refused to be happy… because…. well… honestly… this is going to sound like a real royal asinine excuse but…. for some reason I had it in my head that it was unfair to be happy if WE both couldn’t be happy… course… in my stupid naivety I neglected the other part of this equation… one that I should have never done so… the other human being that was in this with me… he needed my support as much as I needed his… I broke my part… I became this self-absorbed whiny bitchy person that when I look back… who the hell could blame anyone for needing to walk away from me… I would have! Seriously. I forced myself to take that very hard look and walk back over myself… not for a punishment purpose but… just to help me realize my own idiocy and acknowledge my wrong doings… and identify them and know I will never do said things again.

That being said… and going back to my professional life… this all bleeds back and forth from personal vs professional… it just does.  We try not to allow it… but… when we have a bad day at work… and we try to desensitize ourselves before we are around our loved ones… it doesn’t always work… then when we have issues in personal life… drama happens… it’s life… we try not to take it to work… but guess what?! WE DO!

Here’s something I have learned… I cannot change my historically fantastic mistakes I have made over the past several months… obviously I’d be lying if I said I didn’t ever wish I could take them back… but… guess what… I cannot… you cannot… it’s just not going to happen.  So… we have to move forward and learn.  Take it with that proverbial grain of salt and learn… LEARN from your mistake and you are better for it. Smile through it… smiling improves our days… as hard as it is to lift those lips on your face… it’s actually a healthy thing to do… TRY IT!

SEE… told you!

Take a nice deep breath and realize each day is a new day and we are free to make ourselves better… make ourselves into the people we have set out to be.  We just seem to let that asshole bosses words pull you back and loose momentum… just believe in your self worth and what you bring to the table.  If you are right inside… then SHOW IT. When you have a bad drive into work… before you work with your clients, answer the phone or anything else… step back… do something cathartic and realize it wasn’t anything you did… and you cannot fix that persons disposition… but you can fix or adjust yours.  If that client runs off at the mouth, is in a fowl mood, goes off on you because you pulled one too many hairs or just plain is hateful… just realize one important thing…
WHICH IS: You’re not her/him… you can smile… you can take a deep breath and know…. you aren’t them stuck in that nasty disposition and unhappy existence and the only thing they did for you is to show you who you don’t need to be like, act like or worry about…

In the end… we control a little bit of our days… let that control be good control… don’t hold yourself back due to some unforeseen, future fears that haven’t happened yet… just do it! Just smile through your pain and realize we make us who we want to be… NO ONE ELSE CONTROLS US.

Thanks for reading… and I will be updating soon with more details on my business adventure!!!


I leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes… and what I am looking like (somewhat) these days… yes, I put much more ‘color’ into the hair… there’s actually 4 colors besides the bleach and my natural color!

Live Happier… 🙂